When I started this blog I had a purpose and a direction, and I knew what I was hoping to accomplish. I wanted to share some of the thoughts and experiences I had after living with an addict. This is not to say I didn’t have bright spots, reprieves, and times when I wasn’t with my mom and all the issues that were present during my time living with her. I did have other family and friends that I spent time with and because of those people I was able to get a break of taking care of my mom. The majority of my growing up years were spent living with my mom though, and the overwhelming feeling that I was her sole source of support. That was a heavy burden to bear during my formative years.
Through those experiences that I had growing up, I wanted to share some of them with others around the world. I wanted to do this as a way to offer hope to others, so they know they are not alone. There were many times growing up that I felt utterly alone due to the fact that I didn’t know how to get out of the environment that I was living in. On the one hand I desperately wanted to get out of living with my mom, but on the other hand I felt totally and utterly responsible for her care and well-being. She relied on me heavily for support and comfort. This was quite an undertaking for a minor–to feel responsible for an adult at such a young age.
As a young child, and I was just a child, I tried to make everyone happy. I placed a lot of pressure on myself to be better, until I eventually broke. I often felt like I was being pulled under by the pressures of making sure my mom stayed alive (one time she came exceptionally close to dying–but that’s a story for another day) and all the other pressures of adolescence and growing up. It was a lot placed on me, to try to please everyone, when really I just needed to be saved. I always wished someone would come in and tell me they were here to rescue me and everything would be fixed.
So here I am! I survived the worst of it for the most part (hopefully), and while things aren’t always perfect they are getting better. I am still learning how to live a “normal” life (whatever that means!) and learning how to cope with the trauma I endured as a child. Through all of this I am hoping that, with this blog, to be able to offer support and hope for others. When I started this my greatest wish was to allow others to know they need not be defined by their upbringing, challenges, or hardships they have had to endure in their lives. We are worth much more than those things that may try to define us, and we deserve better. I am hoping to make a connection with others as an offer of support and help.