Learning

Learning
… that seems like a big word. I feel like we are always learning in one way or another.

One thing I have been working on learning is how to accept my insecurities and how to love myself. I have many insecurities, and many ways in which I feel like I am not enough. It is a crummy way to feel all the time, but it is how I feel. I think this mostly comes from my childhood, well my adulthood too (that is a long story for another day!). I didn’t feel like I was enough for my mom to motivate her to stop drinking. Of course as an adult I know that her problem was bigger than that and it wasn’t my fault that she was the way she was. I didn’t feel like I was enough for anyone in my family either. I felt like an outcast, and like I must not have been good enough for them to rescue me from the living situation I was in. Again, as I have learned sometimes problems are bigger than the solutions.

Over the last few years I have been working on learning acceptance for the situations I was in as a child. I have also been trying to learn to forgive my past, and to love myself-flaws and all. It’s a foreign subject for me understand. I have spent more time thinking it was all my fault, that I deserved the bad things that have happened in my life, and that I am not enough for anyone. Now I am learning to change my thinking and to choose to not believe these things about myself, because there is a good possibility these things aren’t true. Even though I do have these insecurities and some flaws, I am trying to do and be better. I am enough, and there are many people that do love me in spite of all the things I feel are wrong with me. As time goes on I hope to not only learn this all for myself, but to help others learn this as well.