Proof

There is a song that I absolutely love, OK I’ll be honest there are a lot of songs I love (I love music, it’s an escape for me). Anyway this song I love, it’s called “Living Proof” by Hilary Weeks. This song about how we are living proof of God’s love for us, and that pretty much sums up my life I feel. I think about the things that happened to me as I was growing up and how close I came, more than a few times, to being in an even worse situation. I think about how there is no other way that I could have been spared from these terrible things than by something bigger than me watching out for me.

My mom was not only an alcoholic, and a drug addict; she was also promiscuous. There were numerous men coming in and out of our apartment many, many nights. I have learned, as I have gotten older, that this is a common thing that happens with alcoholics. Of course when I was much younger I didn’t know better, or think anything of it. When I was about 12 I started to lock my door at night because it was in the back of my mind “what if these strange men came into my room”… That thought sacred me a bit. I would hear these men walking around my house late at night and I would lie awake waiting for them to go back to bed so I could sleep in peace. Getting any kind of attention from these men was awful, I hated it. Sometimes they would buy me things to get into the good graces of my mom. As an adult now I think of how these grown men could have done anything to me when I was a young girl. I think about how I wouldn’t have been able to fight them off, and my mom was usually passed out in the other room.

I know now that there was One that protected me and didn’t let even worse things happen to me. I am so eternally grateful for that. I know that I truly am living proof of God’s love for me. I know He protected me from other things happening to me. I feel sometimes that while bad things happen in our lives, we don’t know all the things that we are kept safe from. It can be hard to not wallow in self-pity and lament, “Wo is me”, but really we might be protected and watched over from more than we know. Although there were bad times that I had to walk through, most of them on my own, I am grateful that I had Heavenly Father watching out for me.

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